Merel Damhuis #honestmoma-stories with a mourning edge

Delivery Seppe

There he is! Our Seppe. After a fine smooth delivery, our fourth child was born on 20-08-2023 at 11:31 am. The little brother of Tijn*, Else and Hidde.

It still feels surreal that he is finally here. This morning I woke up at 6 am with mild back contractions, by 8 am we were at the hospital and by 11:31 am Seppe was on my chest. And now we are already at home comfortably. Else and Hidde have already met their little brother and given the necessary kisses. This is beyond riches and I cannot put into words how grateful I am that Seppe is with us.

Delivery Seppe

Previously, I gave birth twice at 37 weeks: Else came at 37W4D and Hidde at 37W2D. As a result, I had to count on myself that this baby would come again at 37 weeks. But the 37 weeks passed and so did the 38 weeks…. No baby yet. My patience was tested and so was my mental state. Because I absolutely did not want to give birth too early, especially with a breech baby, but giving birth later than 37 weeks also proved difficult. Sometimes I found the fear overwhelming: What if something goes wrong with our baby now. The movements became different and I wasn’t used to that. In fact, I had just gotten used to the kicking at the top of my belly because due to the breech position, I had not felt it during this pregnancy. Only after the version did I feel the well-known kicks to my ribs. Finally!

On Monday, August 14, I have a call appointment with my gynecologist at the end of the day. I sleep very poorly and am sitting through it. We agree to let her strip me on Friday, August 18, if at all possible by then. At that point, I will be 39W3D. The week is long but I submit. I pass my time messing around the house, resting, meditating, watching series and cuddling with the kids. That’s all I can do. Both physically and mentally. On Thursday afternoons, I can see a foot reflex therapist. She is giving me a fine treatment with which we hope to give a push toward childbirth. I leave there relaxed. The kids are sleeping with my parents that night. Dan and I headed to the hospital Friday morning rested. Fortunately, I am now 3 cm dilated and the gyn can strip me. I feel nothing even though she warns me that it can hurt. After stripping, they also do a CTG to check how Guppie is doing. Everything looks good. I do agree that I want to be initiated. The poor sleep and stress make me mentally at my wit’s end. I want to wait for the weekend and may call the hospital Monday morning, August 21. If there is room, I will be initiated that day. One day before my due date.

The day after stripping

Saturday, Aug. 19. I have slimy discharge. Weather. Two weeks before this too, when I thought I was losing my mucus plug and did think I was going into labor soon. So now I don’t think too much of it either. I also notice some lower back pain. Actually, I was supposed to go to an indoor playground with Daan and the kids, but I don’t like that idea. Sitting is uncomfortable and I feel a little restless. I ask if my mother will go with them. Should Daan have to leave then she can stay with the children. But in the end, this is not necessary. We still have a quiet afternoon at home Saturday afternoon and when Daan puts the kids to bed I will go for a walk Saturday night. Hupnobirthing meditation on my headphones and moving for a while. Earlier I used to get hard bellies while walking but now it is very quiet. I’m a little disappointed. That introduction is getting closer and closer, and I had SO hoped it would start on its own…. Still, I go to sleep relaxed. Dan and I watched another series together in bed and I feel relaxed.

Sunday morning, Aug. 20. At 6 a.m. I wake up with pain in my back. I know that pain! The uncomfortable feeling comes about every 5 minutes. A kind of severe menstrual pain. I realize that I was half awake several times that night because I felt the same way then. I think it’s about to start! I wake up Daan and tell him I’m going to take a shower. See if it continues…

In the shower, the cramps keep coming every 5 minutes. They are fine to catch and don’t last super long yet. Still, after showering, I call the hospital to consult. Because I am still so calm they advise calling back 5 quarters of an hour later, at 8 o’clock. I call my parents that we want to take the kids to them and walk upstairs to get Hidde dressed. But then things move quickly. Suddenly I get more intense contractions and I no longer manage to catch them properly. I decide to lie down on the bed. Dan quickly drops the kids off and then calls the hospital at 7:40 a.m. that we are coming.

Hospital

At the hospital, things move quickly. We’ll let @kirstenmulder.photography know she can come. When I am touched up just under an hour after coming in I am found to be already 5 cm dilated. I ask for pain medication (Remifentanil). Hidde’s labor was so long and exhausting that I allow myself this rest. The pump is connected and provides immediate relief. Both physically and mentally, it gives me space to focus on my body without panicking. I just felt our baby being pushed down by the contractions. Around about 11 o’clock I feel like my contractions are changing. No real push yet but it feels like I have to pee. Yet I appear to be 10 cm dilated. Guppie, however, is not far enough into my pelvis yet. My bladder is emptied because I can no longer do this myself. My waters still haven’t broken on their own….

At 11:22 my waters are broken by the midwife. I can feel the amniotic fluid flowing. It is fortunately bright in color. For a moment, I don’t know what to do. I lie on my side and actually want to change position but then a contraction comes! All I can do is push. Press press press press. The vk and vpk are giving me directions. After the head is out I have to wait. I am not used to this. I feel they are doing something to our baby. Fortunately, I was allowed to push again shortly thereafter and was soon able to handle our baby by myself. While tackling it, I see a dick. “It’s a little boy!” I shout. Our little son is laid on my belly and not much later begins to cry. He looks blue because he had the umbilical cord around his neck and torso. But no need to panic because he is doing well and is rapidly becoming less blue.

I very deliberately ask for the umbilical cord to be fully extended. Despite the blood loss I had last time, I think this is very important. About 17 minutes after Seppe’s birth, the placenta is also born. Still on the umbilical cord. Half a lotus! Daan cuts the umbilical cord and Seppe stays with me. Just enjoy each other first and then all the checks later…. What a special delivery I only dared to dream of.